trust

i took a break and decided to revamp my blog. and when i decided to do that, i started writing in a diary instead.

since i stopped writing, so many things have happened that it's been completely overwhelming. i think the main thing i learned is that you have to trust the people that are in your life.

these people are in your life for a reason. you've included them into the privacy of your life and that's special. these are the people that have seen the intimate moments of your life and you hold no secrets from them.

if you can't trust them, then there is no need to have them in your life. if you don't have people you can rely on and trust open-heartedly then why are they in your life?

you don't need to continuously question their intentions when they are near you. and so you have to open your heart to trust them. no matter what.

so go. open your heart. and trust.

-s-

reinvented

i know its been forever since i last posted anything but being back home interning and taking online classes has made me feel like an old lady.


i recently started reading a very interesting blog and i decided to give my blog a revamp. basically to reinvent it.


yes, i will continue to make you think but i will put up more things that happen in my life so that you get the best of both worlds. why? because i hit writers block ALL THE TIME! sometimes, as you can tell, i go through spells of not writing anything and i feel bad.


so for the next two weeks or so, my blog will be reinventedi'm going to try and think of a new name too, which i will tell you before i change it so that you can still find me.


thanks guys for being so patient!


-s-

four

i look back at my close friends at home. i look at my close friends at uni. and the one thing that strikes me is four.

four. the magic number. that's the number of close friends i have. it's like sex and the city. there's samantha, charlotte, miranda and carrie. i feel like we all (both at home and at uni) have certain characteristics that fit into each.

i think in any close-knit group of people, you need a crazy one, a career oriented one, a shy one, and one who just is. and i think i found that. i'm not going to tell you which one i am. but let's just say that at uni and at home, i've found them.

without these people, i don't think life would be complete. i sometimes get jealous of people who have so many friends in their lives and who don't lose touch with them. people who constantly have someone to talk to. but now, i don't care. i have four here and four there. four that are with me constantly. and i'm not jealous. not anymore.

so i think you should find your four. and live life satc style.

-s-

listen...

i sometimes wonder whether people hear your cry of help.

i sometimes think i talk too much. and i can't hear the cry of help from a friend. or maybe that other people talk to much and they can't hear me.

then what?

when you already feel so alone that you cry out to help. no one comes. they're too busy going about their lives to stop and listen. so then how can you be helped?

when all you need is one person to be there just to listen to you. just not to speak with their mouth but their eyes. and that person doesn't. you feel alone. you feel unwanted. you feel invisible.

that's why sometimes i choose to be quiet. just so that i can hear. the cry of help from someone. you notice their mood changes. the way they walk. they don't have life in them. when you find someone like that, listen. that's all they want. they want to tell someone of their troubles. they want a shoulder to cry on. they want a person to vent to.

the more people ignore them, the more they cry for help. the more they are quiet. the more they become invisible.

so listen. you may hear a cry of help.

-s-

expectations...

sorry i haven't written in a while. life has been hectic and i haven't had time to post.

today i learnt something which i think i should have learnt a long time ago. even though i think i've learned my lesson, i continue to do it. what is it?

expect something.

there is no point in expecting something since there is a high chance that you will be disappointed. whether it be a grade on a test, a birthday surprise or the fact that someone is coming to see you. do not expect anything.

i know it's such a bad thing to say, but it's the best thing to do. if you don't expect anything, then you won't be disappointed. ever.

you won't have to walk around with a fake smile on your face because the event was below your expectation. when you don't have any expectation, things will always look better. you will always get more than you thought because you didn't expect anything in the first place.

even though i tell myself that, i catch myself doing it over and over again. and each time i tell myself the same thing.

hopefully one day i'll stop expecting. but i shouldn't expect that.

-s-

the pursuit of happyness

i never used to allow good things to happen to me. i never thought i deserved it because i didn't work hard enough to achieve it. when people used to get close, i'd push them away because i didn't think that i deserved to be happy.

but what happens when you meet a person who believes that you deserve to be happy? and they do everything in their power to make sure you're happy all the time. every minute of every day.

then what do you do? i've tried talking. i've tried explaining. i've tried arguing. but no. it doesn't work. i'm apparently a person who deserves to be happy. no matter what. that my smile is beautiful and that i should continue to do so.

no matter how many times i've thought about it, i never believed it. and i continued not to believe it for quite a while. until i realised why not? if i've had a bad couple of years, why shouldn't i be happy with this one? why shouldn't i allow myself to be happy? why should i hold myself back?

and so i allowed myself to be happy. i allowed myself to enjoy the moments that i could. and i love it. honestly, i can't get enough of it.

to be happy, i've also learned to be more humble. i've learned to put aside my ego, my anger, my stubbornness. just so that i can be happy for 5 extra minutes. so that my smile makes other people smile. because it's true, smiles are contagious.

so allow yourself to be happy. if i can learn it, so can you.

-s-

books

i'm sorry that i haven't posted in a while. inspiration didn't hit me until now.

i hear stories. form one friend. and then the other. i hear one side. then the other. and i sometimes wonder. who is telling the truth?

i'm not trying to say anyone is lying or anything. i'm just saying that the way people perceive things are different. should i believe the story of friend no. 1? or friend no. 2?

why should i believe anyone of them? to have a bad impression of the other? in the end, you shouldn't trust anyone except yourself.

yes you tell them your secrets. the things that you went through. your ups and downs. but you don't tell them everything. you tell them what you want to tell them. you tell them what you want them to perceive. you don't tell them your whole story. you edit it to suit them. their personality.

the only person who knows the uncensored version of that book is you. you have the book with the sentences that have been crossed out. the notes that have been added. the paragraphs that have been repeated until it's perfect.

everyone else who reads you has a slightly different version of the book. and you should keep it that way. a powerful girl is one who holds her own book.

so keep the original to yourself.

-s-

what are we here for?

at least once in our lives, we wonder what our purpose is. what the purpose of humans are on this planet. but what if everyone had their own individual purpose. that not everyone has the same purpose in this world.

i don't think that everyone has the same purpose. that's why we are unique. we are given the talents we need to achieve our own purpose. we have to learn what that is and fine tune it so that we can achieve what we want to achieve.

some people's purpose may be to win the nobel prize. another's might be to invent the telephone. are those the only people that have achieved their purpose? i don't think so.

what about the people whose purpose to be an amazing mother. what about the people whose purpose is to take care of their family. what about the people whose purpose if to help friends. what about their purpose in life?

we don't need one big purpose to live. we don't have one big purpose to achieve. we don't have to compare ourselves to other people to find out our purpose.

we all have our own purpose. no matter what it is. that's why we are the way we are.

find your purpose. you never know. it could be right in front of you.

-s-

dreams are a wish your heart makes

it's the middle of the night, and i'm pulling an all-nighter because of the amount of work i have. while people are deep in sleep and in their realms of dreams, i stay awake to witness it.

has there been one day where you wake up and you realise that you've had the worst dream ever? the day where you wake up in the middle of the night and then realise that it was all a dream? lately that's been happening to me.

i've had weird dreams for the past week or so. apparently they're meant to mean something. but i can't get my head around it.

dreams are a wish your heart makes. dreams are a way of your subconscious telling you that some things need to be changed in your life. and when you have nightmares, that means that you are scared of what's going to happen.

when you go to sleep at night, underneath your warm blankets, don't be afraid to dream. don't be afraid to see what your heart wants. don't be afraid to look inside you.

that's what dreams are for. to show you who you really are.

-s-

too good to be true

every single time something good happens in life, i always stop myself from letting it happen. i know what you're thinking. you're thinking why? why would she stop herself from letting something good happen to her?


that's because i think it's too good to be true. every single time something good has stood in front of me, i have sabotaged it so that it becomes something bad for me and i can then later tell myself that it was too good to be true.


i don't think i'm a person who should be happy in life. not yet at least. the reason for that? because i don't think i've worked hard enough to be happy. i've been lazy and irresponsible and down right rude. who would want to be with someone like me? and so to make sure that i'm right, i turn everything good into my life into something bad.


when the day comes that i think i deserve something good in my life, that's the day that i will allow good things to happen. i won't sabotage it to make it bad. i'll make sure that it stays good in my life.


until that day, i'll sabotage away.


-s-

ripping off band aid

when it comes to doing brave things in your life, we always have to have a little push to do it. whether it be standing up to you parents, mending friendships, or being honest, we need someone to help us rip the band-aid off.

every single time something bad happens to us, we get scarred. whether it be physical or emotional, it always leaves a mark. when that happens, we try to fix it. we want our wounds to heal so that we can continue with life. even though it may have changed a bit.

every single day we reach a point where we have a chance to rip off the band aid to show that our wounds have healed and that we are going to move on in a better light, but we don't. we don't want the band aid to come off since we're scared that the scar will still be there. we're scared that the scar will become worse. we're scared we're not brave enough.

but that has to stop. if we don't rip off the band aid and continue on with life, how are we supposed to know whether the scars have healed? when are we going to be brave enough to rip the band aid off and be brave if not today?

so i ask you this, is today the day you rip off your band aid?

-s-

disconnecting

these past few days, my laptop has not been working because of my charger. and my phone has been acting weird. it has a mind of it's own. people may think that i've been dying since i have nothing to communicate with but i think otherwise.

yes at first i thought oh god! what am i gonna do? how am i going to communicate with the world? i'm completely disconnected. but after a couple of days, it felt good.

to have time to yourself, to gather your thoughts, to think of nothing at all. all the peace and quiet. it was different. and nice.

the world around us is so fast-paced, so hectic, that sometimes we don't have time for us. we're running around trying to finish our to-do lists. but have you ever just sat down, disconnected from the world and thought of nothing?

you don't have to worry about someone not reaching you. or that someone didn't reply on facebook. you can get lost in your own thoughts. you can finish the book you were reading. you can focus on yourself. de-stress.

i know that as the semester goes on it will get harder to do things like this, so take advantage of it now.

disconnect from the world and connect with yourself.

-s-

distance means nothing

this past weekend, i had the time of my life. summer is almost ending, and for the first time since it began i was surrounded by all the people i care about. and that's when it hit me. that this is the last time for a long time that this is going to happen.

in college, you meet people that you end up being friends with for the rest of you life. and you meet people that you are acquaintances with. the only problem is that one day they have to leave.

it's sad how things have to change. how everyday someone has to leave us. and slowly groups become smaller and smaller until one day it's just you heading back home to face the real world.

but i know that these people, the people in my life right now, to them, distance is nothing. that even though we're going to be a million miles away, we will still keep in touch. we will still call each other about the smallest things. laugh at the smallest jokes, cry at a tragedy, and enjoy life with everything we have.

i have friends all over the world. and the ones that matter most to me are the people i'm in touch with. whether they're half an hour away or half way across the world, these are the people whom i love.

to us, distance means nothing.

-s-

horoscopes

i don't believe in stars, horoscopes or anything like that. sometimes, yes i do look it up just for fun. just to see what they say and if my day has gone like they say it has. sometimes it happens to be true, other times, not so much.

in india, we don't look at the solar horoscopes. we look at the lunar horoscopes. apparently the time and date that you were born has a big influence in your life.

it can tell you a lot of things about your future. your professional life, your love life, your social life.

although i don't believe in things like this, my mom got a reading and she told me about it. i obviously thought it was nonsense but after she gave me a timeframe, i started to wonder. you can't help but wonder if your life is going to end up like that. whether all the events in my life from now on are going to lead to what she told me.

then i think to myself, that maybe now that i know, i can change what i don't like about it. but then i think, what if by changing my actions now, i'm actually going to the end up doing what it says. what if this is meant to happen. that my actions are triggered in such a way that what i do now will end up leading to the certain events.

then i stop myself. i started remembering my new years resolutions. that i wasn't going to think about the future. that i was just going to do.

but sometimes i can't help but wonder.

what would you do?

change the present so that you can try to have a better future or just let life run it's course?

-s-

relationships

every singe year, we should assess how much things have changed. if i look back as to what has changed the most, i would have to say my relationships.

i've made new friends, lost some and become a lot closer to my mom.

making new friends is easy. saying a hi or a hello and lending a hand to help them out. the problem is that when making a new friend, you have to make sure that you don't get wrapped up and leave all your old friends behind.

sometimes it can be a challenge. when you want to get away from everything, your new friend can be the only person to turn to.

it's hard because you have to balance them out and when one person needs more attention, the scales tip over.

losing friends however is a lot harder to do but you're still capable of doing it.

sometimes one wrong move can make you lose a friend. sometimes, it's a lot of moves that make you lose a friend.

trying to get that friend back is your choice. depending on the circumstances of course. if your friendship can go through all the ups and downs and still somewhat survive, then that is what i call true friendship.

but obviously it goes both ways. both of you have to try. there isn't any point in one person trying because then it's not a relationship. a relationship is about giving and receiving. not just giving or not just receiving.

however, one thing i've learnt throughout this entire time is the fact that no matter what happens, the people that stick with you through the best of times and the worst of times are the people whom you should call your true friends. these are the people who won't judge you for what you've done but judge you for who you are. no matter how far away they are, they'll always be there for you.

one person who has always been there for me is my mum.

over the past year, i've become a lot closer to her. i think it's either because i've started thinking more grown up and more rationally or that my mum has started to think more like me or has accepted recent ideologies.

whatever it is, we've been fighting a lot less and have been talking a lot more. we have become a lot closer than i thought we would and that has surprised me. i never once thought that i would be this close to her. but i love it! of course we still have our arguments, but that's the whole point. we're supposed to. if we didn't, that would be a little bit weird. she doesn't have the answers to everything, but it's comforting knowing that whenever i'm upset, she'll always be there for me.

so go. find the people who'll always be there for you.

-s-

happy mother's day

when i was growing up and was going through the many troubles of being a teenager, i used to go to my ma for advice. she always had something to say. mainly however was that friends will come and go and family will stay with you forever.

but being a teenager, i didn't want to hear that. i wanted to hear that my friends were always going to be there. at that point, i didn't want my ma to be my best friend.

we started fighting on an almost daily basis about the smallest things. i told her that she never understood me and that i was completely different from her. no matter how much i did that, she never let go. whenever we fought, she always held on tighter. i was the one that wanted to keep my distance, while she wanted to close it.

there came a point in my life when i stopped believing in myself, she didn't. when i thought that i was a nobody, she told me that i was the best thing that had ever happened to her. when i thought that i wasn't good enough, she told me to dream and strive for everything i believe in. even now, being hundreds of miles away, she's always supporting me in whatever i do.

she's the one that's made me who i am. she's the one that has kept her faith in me. she's the one that has loved me unconditionally.

she's my mother. and i love her.

happy mother's day.

-s-

independence

over a small course of time, so many things can change. clothes, weather, friends.

sometimes in life, in the shortest amount of time possible, people change. they were once a person whom you could count on anything for and soon they become a stranger watching from a distance.

i'm not saying it's a bad thing. sometimes people grow up and leave their friends behind. sometimes people don't want to grow up and get left behind. sometimes opinions change, sometimes people change.

when you grow up in this world, you should have a person you can count on. and that person should be yourself. yes, you do have friends. but as my mother would say, friends come and go, the only person you can trust is yourself.

and it's true. i'm in university. yes i will have friendships that last a lifetime. yes i will have friendships that don't. i don't know which one is which and until i explore and figure that out, i continue making friends.

in the end however, there shall be more people that will come and go in my life. and i shall have to go back to depending on myself. when you were born, you took your first steps, your friends weren't there. when you spoke your first word, your friends weren't there.

so don't worry too much about friendships that don't last. if they are meant to, they will. even in the hardest of times.

life starts of independently. and ends in the same way.

-s-

a little bit of hope

there comes a point in your life where everything seems to be perfect. your career, your family and your friends. this however doesn't seem to go on forever. after living in bliss for a couple of weeks, it all comes crashing down.

something goes so wrong that it can't be fixed.

but when things like this happen, there is always one person who puts a little bit of hope in you. there is always one person who makes you see the light at the end of the tunnel. there is always one person who will help you climb up when you've reached rock bottom.

sometimes, we take advantage of that person. sometimes we don't appreciate them. sometimes we dismiss them. we never truly realize how much we need that person in our lives until it comes crashing down.

even though things are rough and times are hard, it's at those points that true friendship develops. it's at those points that friends who believe in you stand up for you and tell you the way things are.

they speak the truth and know that you will take the best out of it. they know that you need time to grow and they will be with you when it happens. they help you become a better person. they help you do that no matter how close or far away they are.

it's people like that you need in your life

-s-

positive thinking

at the beginning of the year, i wanted to change. i decided that i was long overdue for one. so i decided to change the physical aspects of myself. i cut my hair and i pierced my bellybutton.

i thought doing things like this would help me change. that they would somehow change my personality as well. but they don't. changing your physique doesn't do anything to change who you are.

after a lot of contemplating and a lot of ups and downs, i decided that i should look at the better things in life. that it's only my mentality that can change the way i look at things. that it has to be me that says that the sun is going to shine everyday.

i used to be a roller coaster. i used to have massive mood swings. but now, i don't. i don't have those mood swings because i have nothing to be upset about. everyday i wake up and think that today is a new day and i start it with a smile on my face. i think to myself that nothing can go wrong. and if something does, then i deal with it then.

i never realised how much positive thinking could lift a person's mood and their outlook on life, but it does. it's caused me to change the way i think and the way i look at things.

i'm pretty sure it can change yours too.

-s-

spring opportunities

so spring is finally upon us.

the grass is green. the birds are singing and the sun is finally out. the weather is amazing, and life in general seems pretty good.

even if it isn't, the weather makes you feel like you're capable of doing anything. but isn't that what you should be feeling everyday regardless?

everyday, there are people who make their own opportunities and go for it. there are people who rise up to the occasion when it comes. there are people who just watch.

but why do we have to be those people? why do we have to be the ones to sit on the sidelines and watch other people climb the ladder, while we hold it steady for them? we can create our own opportunities. we can rise up to the occasion. no one has to tell you that you have the capabilities to do great things. you know you do. there's something inside that's telling you to go for it.

make your opportunities. rise up to the occasion. go for it.

-s-