too good to be true

every single time something good happens in life, i always stop myself from letting it happen. i know what you're thinking. you're thinking why? why would she stop herself from letting something good happen to her?


that's because i think it's too good to be true. every single time something good has stood in front of me, i have sabotaged it so that it becomes something bad for me and i can then later tell myself that it was too good to be true.


i don't think i'm a person who should be happy in life. not yet at least. the reason for that? because i don't think i've worked hard enough to be happy. i've been lazy and irresponsible and down right rude. who would want to be with someone like me? and so to make sure that i'm right, i turn everything good into my life into something bad.


when the day comes that i think i deserve something good in my life, that's the day that i will allow good things to happen. i won't sabotage it to make it bad. i'll make sure that it stays good in my life.


until that day, i'll sabotage away.


-s-

ripping off band aid

when it comes to doing brave things in your life, we always have to have a little push to do it. whether it be standing up to you parents, mending friendships, or being honest, we need someone to help us rip the band-aid off.

every single time something bad happens to us, we get scarred. whether it be physical or emotional, it always leaves a mark. when that happens, we try to fix it. we want our wounds to heal so that we can continue with life. even though it may have changed a bit.

every single day we reach a point where we have a chance to rip off the band aid to show that our wounds have healed and that we are going to move on in a better light, but we don't. we don't want the band aid to come off since we're scared that the scar will still be there. we're scared that the scar will become worse. we're scared we're not brave enough.

but that has to stop. if we don't rip off the band aid and continue on with life, how are we supposed to know whether the scars have healed? when are we going to be brave enough to rip the band aid off and be brave if not today?

so i ask you this, is today the day you rip off your band aid?

-s-

disconnecting

these past few days, my laptop has not been working because of my charger. and my phone has been acting weird. it has a mind of it's own. people may think that i've been dying since i have nothing to communicate with but i think otherwise.

yes at first i thought oh god! what am i gonna do? how am i going to communicate with the world? i'm completely disconnected. but after a couple of days, it felt good.

to have time to yourself, to gather your thoughts, to think of nothing at all. all the peace and quiet. it was different. and nice.

the world around us is so fast-paced, so hectic, that sometimes we don't have time for us. we're running around trying to finish our to-do lists. but have you ever just sat down, disconnected from the world and thought of nothing?

you don't have to worry about someone not reaching you. or that someone didn't reply on facebook. you can get lost in your own thoughts. you can finish the book you were reading. you can focus on yourself. de-stress.

i know that as the semester goes on it will get harder to do things like this, so take advantage of it now.

disconnect from the world and connect with yourself.

-s-

distance means nothing

this past weekend, i had the time of my life. summer is almost ending, and for the first time since it began i was surrounded by all the people i care about. and that's when it hit me. that this is the last time for a long time that this is going to happen.

in college, you meet people that you end up being friends with for the rest of you life. and you meet people that you are acquaintances with. the only problem is that one day they have to leave.

it's sad how things have to change. how everyday someone has to leave us. and slowly groups become smaller and smaller until one day it's just you heading back home to face the real world.

but i know that these people, the people in my life right now, to them, distance is nothing. that even though we're going to be a million miles away, we will still keep in touch. we will still call each other about the smallest things. laugh at the smallest jokes, cry at a tragedy, and enjoy life with everything we have.

i have friends all over the world. and the ones that matter most to me are the people i'm in touch with. whether they're half an hour away or half way across the world, these are the people whom i love.

to us, distance means nothing.

-s-

horoscopes

i don't believe in stars, horoscopes or anything like that. sometimes, yes i do look it up just for fun. just to see what they say and if my day has gone like they say it has. sometimes it happens to be true, other times, not so much.

in india, we don't look at the solar horoscopes. we look at the lunar horoscopes. apparently the time and date that you were born has a big influence in your life.

it can tell you a lot of things about your future. your professional life, your love life, your social life.

although i don't believe in things like this, my mom got a reading and she told me about it. i obviously thought it was nonsense but after she gave me a timeframe, i started to wonder. you can't help but wonder if your life is going to end up like that. whether all the events in my life from now on are going to lead to what she told me.

then i think to myself, that maybe now that i know, i can change what i don't like about it. but then i think, what if by changing my actions now, i'm actually going to the end up doing what it says. what if this is meant to happen. that my actions are triggered in such a way that what i do now will end up leading to the certain events.

then i stop myself. i started remembering my new years resolutions. that i wasn't going to think about the future. that i was just going to do.

but sometimes i can't help but wonder.

what would you do?

change the present so that you can try to have a better future or just let life run it's course?

-s-

relationships

every singe year, we should assess how much things have changed. if i look back as to what has changed the most, i would have to say my relationships.

i've made new friends, lost some and become a lot closer to my mom.

making new friends is easy. saying a hi or a hello and lending a hand to help them out. the problem is that when making a new friend, you have to make sure that you don't get wrapped up and leave all your old friends behind.

sometimes it can be a challenge. when you want to get away from everything, your new friend can be the only person to turn to.

it's hard because you have to balance them out and when one person needs more attention, the scales tip over.

losing friends however is a lot harder to do but you're still capable of doing it.

sometimes one wrong move can make you lose a friend. sometimes, it's a lot of moves that make you lose a friend.

trying to get that friend back is your choice. depending on the circumstances of course. if your friendship can go through all the ups and downs and still somewhat survive, then that is what i call true friendship.

but obviously it goes both ways. both of you have to try. there isn't any point in one person trying because then it's not a relationship. a relationship is about giving and receiving. not just giving or not just receiving.

however, one thing i've learnt throughout this entire time is the fact that no matter what happens, the people that stick with you through the best of times and the worst of times are the people whom you should call your true friends. these are the people who won't judge you for what you've done but judge you for who you are. no matter how far away they are, they'll always be there for you.

one person who has always been there for me is my mum.

over the past year, i've become a lot closer to her. i think it's either because i've started thinking more grown up and more rationally or that my mum has started to think more like me or has accepted recent ideologies.

whatever it is, we've been fighting a lot less and have been talking a lot more. we have become a lot closer than i thought we would and that has surprised me. i never once thought that i would be this close to her. but i love it! of course we still have our arguments, but that's the whole point. we're supposed to. if we didn't, that would be a little bit weird. she doesn't have the answers to everything, but it's comforting knowing that whenever i'm upset, she'll always be there for me.

so go. find the people who'll always be there for you.

-s-

happy mother's day

when i was growing up and was going through the many troubles of being a teenager, i used to go to my ma for advice. she always had something to say. mainly however was that friends will come and go and family will stay with you forever.

but being a teenager, i didn't want to hear that. i wanted to hear that my friends were always going to be there. at that point, i didn't want my ma to be my best friend.

we started fighting on an almost daily basis about the smallest things. i told her that she never understood me and that i was completely different from her. no matter how much i did that, she never let go. whenever we fought, she always held on tighter. i was the one that wanted to keep my distance, while she wanted to close it.

there came a point in my life when i stopped believing in myself, she didn't. when i thought that i was a nobody, she told me that i was the best thing that had ever happened to her. when i thought that i wasn't good enough, she told me to dream and strive for everything i believe in. even now, being hundreds of miles away, she's always supporting me in whatever i do.

she's the one that's made me who i am. she's the one that has kept her faith in me. she's the one that has loved me unconditionally.

she's my mother. and i love her.

happy mother's day.

-s-