the pursuit of happyness

i never used to allow good things to happen to me. i never thought i deserved it because i didn't work hard enough to achieve it. when people used to get close, i'd push them away because i didn't think that i deserved to be happy.

but what happens when you meet a person who believes that you deserve to be happy? and they do everything in their power to make sure you're happy all the time. every minute of every day.

then what do you do? i've tried talking. i've tried explaining. i've tried arguing. but no. it doesn't work. i'm apparently a person who deserves to be happy. no matter what. that my smile is beautiful and that i should continue to do so.

no matter how many times i've thought about it, i never believed it. and i continued not to believe it for quite a while. until i realised why not? if i've had a bad couple of years, why shouldn't i be happy with this one? why shouldn't i allow myself to be happy? why should i hold myself back?

and so i allowed myself to be happy. i allowed myself to enjoy the moments that i could. and i love it. honestly, i can't get enough of it.

to be happy, i've also learned to be more humble. i've learned to put aside my ego, my anger, my stubbornness. just so that i can be happy for 5 extra minutes. so that my smile makes other people smile. because it's true, smiles are contagious.

so allow yourself to be happy. if i can learn it, so can you.

-s-

books

i'm sorry that i haven't posted in a while. inspiration didn't hit me until now.

i hear stories. form one friend. and then the other. i hear one side. then the other. and i sometimes wonder. who is telling the truth?

i'm not trying to say anyone is lying or anything. i'm just saying that the way people perceive things are different. should i believe the story of friend no. 1? or friend no. 2?

why should i believe anyone of them? to have a bad impression of the other? in the end, you shouldn't trust anyone except yourself.

yes you tell them your secrets. the things that you went through. your ups and downs. but you don't tell them everything. you tell them what you want to tell them. you tell them what you want them to perceive. you don't tell them your whole story. you edit it to suit them. their personality.

the only person who knows the uncensored version of that book is you. you have the book with the sentences that have been crossed out. the notes that have been added. the paragraphs that have been repeated until it's perfect.

everyone else who reads you has a slightly different version of the book. and you should keep it that way. a powerful girl is one who holds her own book.

so keep the original to yourself.

-s-

what are we here for?

at least once in our lives, we wonder what our purpose is. what the purpose of humans are on this planet. but what if everyone had their own individual purpose. that not everyone has the same purpose in this world.

i don't think that everyone has the same purpose. that's why we are unique. we are given the talents we need to achieve our own purpose. we have to learn what that is and fine tune it so that we can achieve what we want to achieve.

some people's purpose may be to win the nobel prize. another's might be to invent the telephone. are those the only people that have achieved their purpose? i don't think so.

what about the people whose purpose to be an amazing mother. what about the people whose purpose is to take care of their family. what about the people whose purpose if to help friends. what about their purpose in life?

we don't need one big purpose to live. we don't have one big purpose to achieve. we don't have to compare ourselves to other people to find out our purpose.

we all have our own purpose. no matter what it is. that's why we are the way we are.

find your purpose. you never know. it could be right in front of you.

-s-

dreams are a wish your heart makes

it's the middle of the night, and i'm pulling an all-nighter because of the amount of work i have. while people are deep in sleep and in their realms of dreams, i stay awake to witness it.

has there been one day where you wake up and you realise that you've had the worst dream ever? the day where you wake up in the middle of the night and then realise that it was all a dream? lately that's been happening to me.

i've had weird dreams for the past week or so. apparently they're meant to mean something. but i can't get my head around it.

dreams are a wish your heart makes. dreams are a way of your subconscious telling you that some things need to be changed in your life. and when you have nightmares, that means that you are scared of what's going to happen.

when you go to sleep at night, underneath your warm blankets, don't be afraid to dream. don't be afraid to see what your heart wants. don't be afraid to look inside you.

that's what dreams are for. to show you who you really are.

-s-

too good to be true

every single time something good happens in life, i always stop myself from letting it happen. i know what you're thinking. you're thinking why? why would she stop herself from letting something good happen to her?


that's because i think it's too good to be true. every single time something good has stood in front of me, i have sabotaged it so that it becomes something bad for me and i can then later tell myself that it was too good to be true.


i don't think i'm a person who should be happy in life. not yet at least. the reason for that? because i don't think i've worked hard enough to be happy. i've been lazy and irresponsible and down right rude. who would want to be with someone like me? and so to make sure that i'm right, i turn everything good into my life into something bad.


when the day comes that i think i deserve something good in my life, that's the day that i will allow good things to happen. i won't sabotage it to make it bad. i'll make sure that it stays good in my life.


until that day, i'll sabotage away.


-s-

ripping off band aid

when it comes to doing brave things in your life, we always have to have a little push to do it. whether it be standing up to you parents, mending friendships, or being honest, we need someone to help us rip the band-aid off.

every single time something bad happens to us, we get scarred. whether it be physical or emotional, it always leaves a mark. when that happens, we try to fix it. we want our wounds to heal so that we can continue with life. even though it may have changed a bit.

every single day we reach a point where we have a chance to rip off the band aid to show that our wounds have healed and that we are going to move on in a better light, but we don't. we don't want the band aid to come off since we're scared that the scar will still be there. we're scared that the scar will become worse. we're scared we're not brave enough.

but that has to stop. if we don't rip off the band aid and continue on with life, how are we supposed to know whether the scars have healed? when are we going to be brave enough to rip the band aid off and be brave if not today?

so i ask you this, is today the day you rip off your band aid?

-s-

disconnecting

these past few days, my laptop has not been working because of my charger. and my phone has been acting weird. it has a mind of it's own. people may think that i've been dying since i have nothing to communicate with but i think otherwise.

yes at first i thought oh god! what am i gonna do? how am i going to communicate with the world? i'm completely disconnected. but after a couple of days, it felt good.

to have time to yourself, to gather your thoughts, to think of nothing at all. all the peace and quiet. it was different. and nice.

the world around us is so fast-paced, so hectic, that sometimes we don't have time for us. we're running around trying to finish our to-do lists. but have you ever just sat down, disconnected from the world and thought of nothing?

you don't have to worry about someone not reaching you. or that someone didn't reply on facebook. you can get lost in your own thoughts. you can finish the book you were reading. you can focus on yourself. de-stress.

i know that as the semester goes on it will get harder to do things like this, so take advantage of it now.

disconnect from the world and connect with yourself.

-s-