the pursuit of happyness

i never used to allow good things to happen to me. i never thought i deserved it because i didn't work hard enough to achieve it. when people used to get close, i'd push them away because i didn't think that i deserved to be happy.

but what happens when you meet a person who believes that you deserve to be happy? and they do everything in their power to make sure you're happy all the time. every minute of every day.

then what do you do? i've tried talking. i've tried explaining. i've tried arguing. but no. it doesn't work. i'm apparently a person who deserves to be happy. no matter what. that my smile is beautiful and that i should continue to do so.

no matter how many times i've thought about it, i never believed it. and i continued not to believe it for quite a while. until i realised why not? if i've had a bad couple of years, why shouldn't i be happy with this one? why shouldn't i allow myself to be happy? why should i hold myself back?

and so i allowed myself to be happy. i allowed myself to enjoy the moments that i could. and i love it. honestly, i can't get enough of it.

to be happy, i've also learned to be more humble. i've learned to put aside my ego, my anger, my stubbornness. just so that i can be happy for 5 extra minutes. so that my smile makes other people smile. because it's true, smiles are contagious.

so allow yourself to be happy. if i can learn it, so can you.

-s-