trust

i took a break and decided to revamp my blog. and when i decided to do that, i started writing in a diary instead.

since i stopped writing, so many things have happened that it's been completely overwhelming. i think the main thing i learned is that you have to trust the people that are in your life.

these people are in your life for a reason. you've included them into the privacy of your life and that's special. these are the people that have seen the intimate moments of your life and you hold no secrets from them.

if you can't trust them, then there is no need to have them in your life. if you don't have people you can rely on and trust open-heartedly then why are they in your life?

you don't need to continuously question their intentions when they are near you. and so you have to open your heart to trust them. no matter what.

so go. open your heart. and trust.

-s-

reinvented

i know its been forever since i last posted anything but being back home interning and taking online classes has made me feel like an old lady.


i recently started reading a very interesting blog and i decided to give my blog a revamp. basically to reinvent it.


yes, i will continue to make you think but i will put up more things that happen in my life so that you get the best of both worlds. why? because i hit writers block ALL THE TIME! sometimes, as you can tell, i go through spells of not writing anything and i feel bad.


so for the next two weeks or so, my blog will be reinventedi'm going to try and think of a new name too, which i will tell you before i change it so that you can still find me.


thanks guys for being so patient!


-s-

four

i look back at my close friends at home. i look at my close friends at uni. and the one thing that strikes me is four.

four. the magic number. that's the number of close friends i have. it's like sex and the city. there's samantha, charlotte, miranda and carrie. i feel like we all (both at home and at uni) have certain characteristics that fit into each.

i think in any close-knit group of people, you need a crazy one, a career oriented one, a shy one, and one who just is. and i think i found that. i'm not going to tell you which one i am. but let's just say that at uni and at home, i've found them.

without these people, i don't think life would be complete. i sometimes get jealous of people who have so many friends in their lives and who don't lose touch with them. people who constantly have someone to talk to. but now, i don't care. i have four here and four there. four that are with me constantly. and i'm not jealous. not anymore.

so i think you should find your four. and live life satc style.

-s-

listen...

i sometimes wonder whether people hear your cry of help.

i sometimes think i talk too much. and i can't hear the cry of help from a friend. or maybe that other people talk to much and they can't hear me.

then what?

when you already feel so alone that you cry out to help. no one comes. they're too busy going about their lives to stop and listen. so then how can you be helped?

when all you need is one person to be there just to listen to you. just not to speak with their mouth but their eyes. and that person doesn't. you feel alone. you feel unwanted. you feel invisible.

that's why sometimes i choose to be quiet. just so that i can hear. the cry of help from someone. you notice their mood changes. the way they walk. they don't have life in them. when you find someone like that, listen. that's all they want. they want to tell someone of their troubles. they want a shoulder to cry on. they want a person to vent to.

the more people ignore them, the more they cry for help. the more they are quiet. the more they become invisible.

so listen. you may hear a cry of help.

-s-

expectations...

sorry i haven't written in a while. life has been hectic and i haven't had time to post.

today i learnt something which i think i should have learnt a long time ago. even though i think i've learned my lesson, i continue to do it. what is it?

expect something.

there is no point in expecting something since there is a high chance that you will be disappointed. whether it be a grade on a test, a birthday surprise or the fact that someone is coming to see you. do not expect anything.

i know it's such a bad thing to say, but it's the best thing to do. if you don't expect anything, then you won't be disappointed. ever.

you won't have to walk around with a fake smile on your face because the event was below your expectation. when you don't have any expectation, things will always look better. you will always get more than you thought because you didn't expect anything in the first place.

even though i tell myself that, i catch myself doing it over and over again. and each time i tell myself the same thing.

hopefully one day i'll stop expecting. but i shouldn't expect that.

-s-

the pursuit of happyness

i never used to allow good things to happen to me. i never thought i deserved it because i didn't work hard enough to achieve it. when people used to get close, i'd push them away because i didn't think that i deserved to be happy.

but what happens when you meet a person who believes that you deserve to be happy? and they do everything in their power to make sure you're happy all the time. every minute of every day.

then what do you do? i've tried talking. i've tried explaining. i've tried arguing. but no. it doesn't work. i'm apparently a person who deserves to be happy. no matter what. that my smile is beautiful and that i should continue to do so.

no matter how many times i've thought about it, i never believed it. and i continued not to believe it for quite a while. until i realised why not? if i've had a bad couple of years, why shouldn't i be happy with this one? why shouldn't i allow myself to be happy? why should i hold myself back?

and so i allowed myself to be happy. i allowed myself to enjoy the moments that i could. and i love it. honestly, i can't get enough of it.

to be happy, i've also learned to be more humble. i've learned to put aside my ego, my anger, my stubbornness. just so that i can be happy for 5 extra minutes. so that my smile makes other people smile. because it's true, smiles are contagious.

so allow yourself to be happy. if i can learn it, so can you.

-s-

books

i'm sorry that i haven't posted in a while. inspiration didn't hit me until now.

i hear stories. form one friend. and then the other. i hear one side. then the other. and i sometimes wonder. who is telling the truth?

i'm not trying to say anyone is lying or anything. i'm just saying that the way people perceive things are different. should i believe the story of friend no. 1? or friend no. 2?

why should i believe anyone of them? to have a bad impression of the other? in the end, you shouldn't trust anyone except yourself.

yes you tell them your secrets. the things that you went through. your ups and downs. but you don't tell them everything. you tell them what you want to tell them. you tell them what you want them to perceive. you don't tell them your whole story. you edit it to suit them. their personality.

the only person who knows the uncensored version of that book is you. you have the book with the sentences that have been crossed out. the notes that have been added. the paragraphs that have been repeated until it's perfect.

everyone else who reads you has a slightly different version of the book. and you should keep it that way. a powerful girl is one who holds her own book.

so keep the original to yourself.

-s-